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Research? In the Ivory Tower?
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Robert Panchyshyn, Western Kentucky University 6:00 a.m. Me, to me: "Ah, all alone! For at least 2 hours, no students, no faculty, no interruptions. A good time to work. Let's see, I was looking for that reference on . . .." Telephone: RING! Me, answering phone: "Good morning!" My daughter, a young mother: "Oh, hi, Daddy! I tried to call you at home. What're you doing at your office so early?" Me: "What do you mean, so early? You know I'm always at my office by 6:00 a.m. so I can do a couple of hours of work without interruptions." Daughter: "What're you doing?" Me: "I'm writing a research report." Daughter: "Oh, good. I'm glad you're not very busy. I need you to take care of your grandson sometime today while I go to the grocery." Me: "But I'm working on a research report." Daughter: "I know. As long as that's all you're doing, could you take care of Justin for me for an hour or so after lunch? I'll just bring him by the office. As you know, he's easily entertained. All you need to do is . . .." Me: "An hour or so? Mostly ‘or so.' The last time the ‘or so' took 2 hours and 23 minutes!" Daughter: "Well, I ran into a friend . . .." Me: "Yes, and I didn't get any work done for almost 3 hours!" Daughter: "Will 12:30 be all right?" Me: "I need to finish this research report." Daughter: "But who can I get? Mom's really busy. It'll only be for about an hour." Me: "Could I do it for you some other time? I really do need to finish this research report." Daughter, exasperated: "Well, thanks a lot! Grandpas are supposed to . . .." Me: "Bye, Dear. Thanks for calling. I love you." Me, to me: "Let's see. I had those references in . . .."
6:30 a.m. Telephone: RRING!! Me, answering phone grumpily: "Yes?? Hello." My wife: "Hello to you! Why are you so grumpy?" Me, emphatically: "I'm not grumpy! I'm busy." Wife: "Busy? What are you doing?" Me: "You know what I'm doing—writing a research report." Wife: "Oh, I thought you might really be busy!" Me, more emphatically: "I am! What do you think a research project is? I'm trying to find references. I'm trying to write. I'm . . .." Wife: "Don't get huffy with me! Why wouldn't you keep your grandson for your daughter after lunch? You don't have any classes this afternoon." Me: "I told your daughter that I would be happy to keep Justin another time; I am busy today." Wife: "Yes, and you hurt her feelings." Me: "Why don't you babysit for her?" Wife: "I'm busy. That's why I called you. As long as you're not babysitting for your daughter, could you take the dog to the vet after lunch? We have a 1:00 p.m. appointment." Me: "Could you cancel it? Could you go later?" Wife: "Oh, you know how busy the vet always is. He gets really cross when someone cancels. It interrupts his whole schedule." Me, in exasperation: "Busy? Schedule? Cross? Why should he be cross? He's not worried about tenure, promotion, or merit pay. Besides, he always runs an hour late, so it would take me several hours to get back to the office." Wife: "It's not fair to make an appointment with a busy professional and then be late or cancel it." Me, with increasing exasperation: "I'm a busy professional, and no one seems . . .." Wife: "There you go, grumping again. Just when we have a few minutes to talk to each other." Me: "Anything else, Dear?" Wife: "What would you like us to do about dinner? Do you want to cook, or would you like me to? Or do you want to eat out?" Me: "Dinner? I haven't had breakfast yet, and I have to . . .." Wife: "I know, I know, write a research report. I hate to cancel the appointment with the vet." Me: "Bye, Dear. I love you. Oh, yes, I just remembered. I have extension class today. I won't be home until 10:30 this evening." Me, to me: "Now, let's see, I had that list of references . . .."
7:00 a.m. Telephone: RRRING!!! Me, answering phone: "Yes???" Department Chair: "Good morning. What're you doing in your office so early?" Me: "I'm working on a research report." Department Chair: "Good, I'm glad you're not very busy. C'mon down to my office. I need some information from you about class schedules. They're due in the Dean's Office by noon today." Me: "I am busy on a research report, but, if it's important, I'll come." Department Chair: "Well, it could wait, but as long as you're not . . .." Me: "Don't bother finishing that sentence. I'll be right down."
7:30 a.m. (Ready to exit department chair's office) Department Chair: " . . . and as long as you're in Remoteville this evening for extension class anyway, I'd like you to attend the graduate advisement and enrollment session and the consortium meeting. It'll only take a couple of hours and will save me that long drive."
Me, turning my back, grimacing, and walking out the door: "Sure. I'll be glad to do it."
7:55 a.m. (Back in my office) Me, to me: "Well, early morning is shot! A class at 8:00, another at 9:30, departmental meeting at 10:45. I'll work on my research report after lunch. I don't have to leave for Remoteville until 2:30."
12:30 p.m. (Back in my office) Me, to me: "Back in the office, right on schedule! Let's see, I had those references . . .."
12:45 p.m. KNOCK! KNOCK! Me, answering door: "Yes?????" Student: "Oh, Dr. Professor, did I interrupt you?" Me: "Well, I'm working on a research project . . .." Student, breathlessly: "Oh, I'm glad I caught you when you're not very busy. Advance registration ends at 2:00 p.m. today and I've been so busy the last 2 months I haven't had a chance to see you and I couldn't call for an advisement appointment because each time I tried my roommate was on the phone so I just took a chance dropping by hoping I would catch you in your office at a time when you're not very busy."
1:15 p.m. (Student leaves) Me, to me: "Well, I still have about an hour left before I leave for extension class. If I find those references I put somewhere . . .."
1:30 p.m. Telephone: RRRRING!!!! Me, answering phone: "Yes???????" Dean's secretary: This is the Dean's Office, Dr. Professor. If you're not busy the Dean wishes to speak to you." Me, to Dean: "Good afternoon, Sir." . . . " Well, yes, Sir, as a matter of fact I'm . . .." . . . " Oh, no, Sir, you're not interrupting . . .." . . . " Of course, Sir, no bother. I'd be honored to chair another committee for the College. Goodbye, Sir." Me, to me: "Let's see, 45 minutes left. I need that reference on . . .."
2:00 p.m. Telephone: RRRRRING!!!!! Me, ignoring the phone and speaking to the secretary: "Oh, what the heck! Would you catch my calls, please? I'm going to the faculty lounge!"
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